I'll Hold On
by betweenwaters
Summary: I heard love is blind.


I'll Hold On

It was, at first, a drunken mistake.

They stumbled through the hallway, their hands touching, feeling, grasping in the dark. He apparently touched something _sensitive_ if he was to go on about the loud mewling sounds

the woman curled around him was making. If she continues, the whole castle would be awake.

" You weren't this loud before," Levi slurred in her ear.

Levi treads his hands from her back to the strands that smelled like fruits. Weird, he expected to smell something earthy or herbal, but he credited his haywire senses to the alcohol.

"Maybe I'm just excited?" He thought he heard the slight hesitance in her voice, but she covered it well with her purr and finger dragging along his chest. Levi gave a small tilt of his head; he had to squint then, his vision was starting to get off-focus and make copies of anything he set his sight on.

In the torchlight, her lips were the same, though in some nook in his mind he thought it was softer than what he was used to; her nose was the same, but her eyes... Her eyes were round, too round even, and instead of it meeting his head-on, brimmed with challenge, tonight it seemed shy and full of longing. It was lighter, though Levi thought it may be due to the light.

That took only a few seconds but for the woman, it felt like eternity. Her hands were itching to continue, but she was distracted with Levi's arm on one side of her head and his damned hand playing with the hairs on her neck and his eyes roving over her face, searching, looking for something.

Or _someone_.

She took a sudden intake of air, "Levi, we should take this somewhere...private, don't you think?"

Levi was snapped out of his reverie of something red, pale, lithe, strong and secretly warm by the hands grasping his crisp, white dress shirt. For a moment, there was nothing but their harsh breathing.

His hand, originally curling the hair between his fingers, moved to cradle her face. His thumb swept across her bottom lip, once, twice, before he realized the space between them almost closed.

" I'm a god damned mess. I-" His breath fanned lightly over her lips.

"Who isn't, to be honest?" She locked their distance shut, her hands not too softly holding his face.

Levi's feet led, stumbled, them to his room, slowly closing the door, before promptly returning to their intense dance.

In that exact moment, Levi forgot the strands that smelled overbearingly sweet, the hair that reached her collarbone, the absence of red in his vision, and the eyes that didn't glint with a fierce challenge.

Because in his alcoholic haze, it was Mikasa Ackerman.

Levi slowly opened his eyes to sunlight, feeling an oppressive force on his temples. He tried to soothe it by running his fingers over them but it was no use. He cursed and groaned, turning away from the light.

"Who the hell are you?" he said.

The body slowly awakened to conciousness and once it rested its eyes on Levi, a smile followed.

"Good morning, Levi."

" You very well know that is not how I'm properly addressed. Why are you here in my quarters?"

Levi might've considered the woman beautiful, with a dusting of blush across her cheeks, but he didn't want to deal with anyone today but himself; as soon as this was over, he'd take a long shower and just sleep. There wasn't anything to do today anyway.

She widened her eyes and it suddenly melted to furious vexation.

"Why don't you look at the mess we made last night, _heichou_." She purposedly drawed out the last word, hoping to annoy him.

The memories hit Levi like a square punch to his gut. Adding his brutal headache, his dry throat and sluggish body, he felt like shit.

"Get dressed and get out. This will never be spoken of again."

"I have a damned name."

He sat up from his position and looked at her, eye to eye. "I've already said it too much last night. That will suffice. "

She gave an indignant gasp and a string of muffled curses Levi didn't give two shits about was heard.

Levi rubbed his hand tiredly over his eyes, before drawing the curtains shut. The few steps to the bathroom felt like a mountainous trek and if Levi was a lesser man, he would've crawled.

He stood under the shower, contemplating the events frame by frame. He braced his arms against the wall and only when he tasted something salty did he realize he was crying.

" I'm sorry." He uttered before turning the shower's knob.

It was during their expedition that he finally talked.

Levi walked to the small clearing near their campsite. He headed where the trees were thick and close to each other that light seldom filtered through their branches. Good, Levi thought. He's far suited to the dark anyway.

"I thought of you, by the way." He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"We had a few drinks. I didn't expect to get intoxicated that fast but there you go. I was beside Erwin and the other brats at first, but as the night wore on they went back to their respective rooms."

"Eren, that little shit," Levi scoffed. "He knew there was something wrong with me that night. I told him off, quite rudely, to mind his own business and leave me alone."

" A few minutes after midnight, things started going downhill. I was drunk, I was not in my senses, when the cadet from Hanji's squad started talking to me. It wasn't all her fault. Whatever happened that night, I participated in it as well."

" It was harmless at first, but the longer we talked... one thing led to another. I woke up from being the shit to feeling like shit."

Levi put more effort in standing straight. " I had a feeling something was off at first. But when she was laying down in my bed, she laughed, and suddenly I heard you. I saw your eyes, I heard your voice and I felt your grip on my arms. It was only the morning after when I realized that it wasn't you. I remembered that you were already fucking dead. "

" I don't think I'd be able to move on from you just like with what I did with Petra. You're still haunting my life, Mikasa." 

Levi raised his head. "And I think I would't have it any other way. "


End file.
